After the disappearance…

Having a job that is mentally challenging consumed all the time and energy that I used to spend on reading and creative projects. I decided to try getting back after a long period of hiatus.

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I have a lot of work to do with clearing out my reading lists. I’ve reached a point where I don’t even remember what books I started reading or what they are all about! So sure, with some I have the bookmarks and the number of the page I last opened but all this has kept me wondering that maybe it’s time for a clean slate.

I stopped with the reading altogether when reading started to feel like running with no end in sight. I was left with anything else being a more appealing option than reading a book. And that is simply sad since all I need to do is turn around the room and I can see books that I was happy and dancing with joy at the thought of reading them when I got them. That desire is still there.

So what went wrong?

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One major thing I decided to do this year is to stop trying to finish the books that make me feel bad in any way. Keeping to reading a book that is not sitting well with me out of some silly notion that I must not quit is doing me some serious harm.

I get very emotional in my reading and while some stories inspire me; some others just drag me down and make me emotionally depleted. I had no will to read, no books to write about and no energy to create content or even talk about books in general.

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Before I can decide to focus on all the books I love I need to do some clearing of the books I’m stuck on.

Last four books I’ve kept on my Currently reading shelf on Goodreads without making any progress for months on are:

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The Joke by Milan Kundera

There is nothing funny about this book. Especially if you ever lived in a country where telling a bad joke to a wrong person can get you incarcerated. I remember watching a movie based on one of other Milan Kundera’s works The Unbearable Lightness of Being. All I remember of it is the unbearably anemic scenography and a boring plot. This was one of the last books I picked up for my reading club in August last year I think. And it was the last one since then because I went on a hiatus form the book club as well. I’m well over two thirds in and I just cant stand the characters or the themes in the book. I’m officially putting and end to it and letting it go.

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Man for Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics

by Erich Fromm

This one has gone on for well over a year. Truth be told I can’t even remember the last time I picked it up. This one might stay since the problem was not in the reading experience. The problem is being concentrated and having the time to read it without rush. If I’m willing to make changes to my reading in general then this might prove to be a rewarding experience in the end. I must make a triage of the books I like the thought of reading and the books I actually want to read. This one is somewhere in the middle.

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Serpent’s Kiss (Elder Races #2) by Thea Harrison

I generally like the UF genre but this book is going back to the shelf. While I liked the first book of the series and the writing style in general the characters in this one have left me disinterested. I might go back to it in some other time in my life.

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The All Souls Complete Trilogy:

A Discovery of Witches is only the beginning of the story

(All Souls Trilogy #1-3) by Deborah Harkness

I have so many great books I’m looking forward to on my shelves and after I watched the first season of the series I had to read this one again just to compare it to the show. While i liked the first book of the trilogy I never picked up the other two. After getting a Kindle for present and having issues with buying the translated edition I wanted I got this trilogy as a bundle combo on Kindle. This is the only book of all those above I’m actually reading. i’m reading it before bedtime sometimes when I can’t fall asleep and I’m taking my damn time with it.

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I realized that I need to be honest with myself about my reading needs and interests. Conserving my emotional and creative energy takes precedence over finishing a book that makes me struggle and brings me no joy. This does not mean I will give up on books as soon as I have problems with it. It means I will consider my issues with the book in question more seriously and not pin it on the quitting shame.

I do this in hope to have more exciting reading moments in 2019.

Happy New Year in reading and all the best!

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