One of the books that changed me is a manga with an English title The Wallflower by author Tomoko Hayakawa. Japanese title is Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge which roughly translates as “Perfect Girl Evolution”.
This manga was something I shared with my childhood friend. We were two girls who would rather stay indoors and play video games than go out. Playstation and the two of us at her place. We used to spend summers this way.
I used to buy this manga and she liked it. Soon we were reading it together and buying it together. We shared it by having half of the series at her house and at my house.
The story and the little drawings through out the manga we enjoyed together. Something about the emo main character and all the pathos made us feel lees awkward in our teenage years.
As things do in life some things happened. I was going trough a rough period where my life teared apart. I was counting on her support. She was to busy to be there for me. I never could forgive her that. For months while my life reached the bottom her absence wounded me. It went on that way until I snapped and made a scene. I don’t think it as an excuse for all the bad stuff I did to myself while I used some horrible words on her birthday. The real truth is that for the most part I was under the influence and can’t remember exactly what happened.
She naturally got offended and all I could hear at the time was the pain echoing inside me. The hurt that she couldn’t see that I needed her and she let me down. After a while I used ignoring her in public as a way to hurt myself.
Few years back she approached me in public. But I was not ready to make peace. Seeing her reminded me how badly hurt I was. She used to be a big part of my life. And she got swept away in my life storm. I am still recovering from how self-destructive I was.I has been almost a decade since I lost my friend. As a sad reminder I have half of the manga series on my shelf. Volumes 11. to 17. She got the first ten. I used to move them to the back of my closet so that I don’t have to look at a reminder of a friend I lost. I still have them in the back row of one of my bookshelves. Just slightly out of sight so that I don’t have to think about how I miss my friend.